** Motherhood **

It has been a month plus since my last post. Plenty of backlogs but just not enuff time to post them online. I will try my best to put these logs up whenever I have the time.

In my last post, I was counting down to Baby Jade's arrival while enjoying my annual leave.
However, Baby Jade can't wait till EDD and she came a week earlier, too eager to celebrate Grandma's birthday. Yes, Baby Jade arrived on 7 Dec'08, Sunday. It was my mum's birthday too. Initially, my family decided to have fishhead steamboat to celebrate her bday. However, due to Baby Jade's arrival, I got no chance to enjoy my last decent meal. Haha!!!

Today, Baby Jade is 1 month and 6 days' old. I ought to be enjoying motherhood every single moment. Yes I do, no doubt about it. But there's always 2 sides to a coin.

Here's my version of Motherhood.

I think I depend too much on the confinement lady during the first month, thus I do not realli take care of Baby Jade during the night. I latched her on whenever needed and bottled-fed her when aunty is busy. I bathed her once before aunty left. Time realli flies, the first month ended with 2 full month celebrations for Baby Jade. That also marked the departure of my confinement aunty and the start of taking care of Baby Jade on our own.

I know it's gonna be tough and I got myself prepared. However, it's not a matter of how prepared you are, it is definitely not easy taking care of a baby, especially a demanding one like Baby Jade. It can be mental torturing. Seriously, not sure how long I can withstand this ordeal.

Baby Jade doesn't want to slp at nite, she won't allow u to have a peaceful nite as well. I have tried all methods to try to get her to slp. Even though she does not want to slp, she will never failed to wail for attention either.

Most days I slept for 4 hours only. During day time when she slept, I got to do household chores and prepare my own lunch. Sometimes I had lunch at 3pm cos I need to attend to all her needs.
Taking care of a baby seems like a breeze to others but not me.

Baby Jade won't allow me to sit down n pat her to slp. She wants me to walk round the whole house in the middle of the nite. When thinking she's alsp, I will put her down to her cot, she will wake up 5 mins later and wailed for attention again. She can torture me in this manner frm 2am till 6am or even longer.

I'm not those weak kind of person whom dun even know how to handle a baby, it's just that Baby Jade cried even after her feeding or changing of diaper. She cried for attention and do not allow me to rest. Think I'm gg to have a mental breakdown soon, hahhah!!!

Still, I lurve her though she's cranky and difficult to take care. It has been very difficult ever since I gave birth to Baby Jade. From the labour to aftermath till now, just three words to describe - Traumatising, Tiring and Torturing.

Many things are different once u have a baby. I stayed home 24hrs frm Mon to Fri and can't go out as and when I like, like in the past. I'm at a different stage of life now and Baby Jade is now our priority, but at the same time, it seems that I have lost something in my life too. I dun know, I felt confused sometimes, sometimes I regretted having Baby Jade. Sometimes when I looked at her, I have mixed feelings.

Not sure if I'm suffering frm post-natal blues, I do feel very upset nowadays.

Anyway, hope things will get better and to see Baby Jade grow day by day is another joyful part of Motherhood. I must think positively in order to chase away the blues I have now.

I will try to post Baby Jade's photos whenever I have the time, which proof to be difficult.
Pen off for now.

Kudos to all Mothers! :)