** Simple Happiness**

This morning, Jade pointed to our wedding photo which was hanging on the wall and said: "Papa, mama!" Then she pointed at us n repeat papa, mama!

This little innocent act of hers really brightens up my day! =)

** With Much Regrets **

I'm writing this with a heavy heart.
I'm sorry for what I did cos I broke my promise to you.
It's really never my intention.

I promised to shower you with love.
I promised to grow old with you.
I promised not to neglect you.
I promised to make you part of my family.
I promised to take good care of you.
I promised that in any conditions, you will not part from me.
I promised...I promised...I promised...!!!

However, I never regretted. You may have stayed a short 6 years with me, but we definitely have had happy moments together. You were once so tiny and young. Now you are even older than me but still as playful. You are always seeking my attention and do all those naughty things to make me angry so that I can tok to u. Now, I barely play with you and sometimes kept a distance from you. I think I'm really horrible.

I thought I will still keep you with me for the many years ahead, but it seems that it's no longer possible.
Believe me, I do not have the highest degree of intention to give you away, it's more of like, if there is anyone who's willing to take you in, then maybe yes.

Then the news just broke in. Yes, someone is interested to take you in. It happened so suddenly that I do not even have the time to think. In my mind, I'm only thinking if the new family is capable of taking care of you and shower you with lots of love which I no longer can give to you. I convince myself to say yes. I know you will be happier, with kids to play with and someone to talk to. (Am I deceiving myself?)

Will you really be happy in the new environment? Will you ever forget me? Will you ever remember the promises I made? Will I ever visit you again? I'm having a lump in my throat now, the tears in my eyes is swelling up, I think I cannot continue writing le.

Please forgive me, for breaking my promises. I wish you happiness in the new place, I really do. I want you to feel love once again. I dare not promise you anything now.
All I want is for you to live happily from now till your journey ends.

** 日子难熬！**

人就是活在痛苦与绝望当中。现在的我连不开心的权利都没有了。这样的人生会开心吗？

可能结束是好的。是为了迎接更美好的开始。是吗？我是在自我安慰吗？

我变得伤感，
我变得惆怅，
我变得消沉，
我变得不快乐。

这是真正的我吗？
从前的我哪去了？
已经死了吗？
我想是的，从前的我已烟消云散，一去不复返！
现在的我，心已死。剩下的只有躯壳。

** Nobody understands!!! **

I really felt the heart-pain. I dun care if others dun understand me and what I'm gg through. But even my loved one wouldn't care less how much I feel.

What I got is hurting remarks and asking me to go and die.

Yes, I'm really unhappy and really wish to die sometimes. As I grow older, I'm beginning to dread living. People always say I must give thanks cos there are many unfortunate people around me. I understand, I'm not complaining about life. I just want to rest, is it so difficult???

Ok, serve me right for not having savings ever since I started working like 10years ago. So now, I want to stop working, I can't. I fully understand as I have family commitment blar blar blar. I didn't say and NEVER SAY I dun wanna work.

I just need a break. A break from working like an ox from 9-5.
Why must I get a job now? Why can't I quit first and take my time to find one?

I know there are many considerations and plans, but why can't we shelve some plans till we are more comfortable financially before plonking into doing something so hurriedly?

What's the hurry? What's wrong with staying in our 3-room flat for the time being? What's the urgency of selling our house and get another one so soon??? What's all these?

Why do I have to make all the sacrifices just for the whole household???? It's just so unfair. I'm so sick of everything. Just so sick!!!

So sick of dragging myself to work.
So sick of making myself look incompetent at work when actually I'm not.
So sick of doing things for the sake of money when I'm not happy at all.
So sick of waking up every morning, dreading to put myself to another day of torture.

That's life, that's my pathetic, unsympathetic life. :(

** Happy Mother's Day to Me **

Today I have a new definition for Mother's Day!

This morniing...

Me: Ehh..today is Mother's Day, y no action or appreciation words from you?

Someone: I dun celebrate Mother's Day. Even if I celebrate Mother's Day, I will buy things for my own mother only.

Me: But I'm also a mother, mother to your daughter, a wife to u. Should there be any kind of appreciation or sorts?

Someone: Then you shall wait for our daughter to grow older to celebrate Mother's Day for you.

Me: .........upset........upset......upset!

Seriously, am I asking for too much? Just a word thanks is good enough too. Yet I got such hurting remarks. Yeah, maybe I need to depend on Jade to celebrate Mother's Day for me then. Or maybe even Jade cannot be bothered when she gets older.

Maybe, maybe, maybe...it's just another ordinary Sunday, just another Mother's Day!

Haizzzz..........Happy Mother's Day to me!